A History of Gift Giving

I’m told that the custom of giving gifts at year’s end (or year’s beginning, depending if you’re an optimist or a pessimist) started way back with a King named Titus Tatius. About 2,800 years ago he ruled the Sabines, reigning with Rome’s co-founder Romulus. He started the custom by offering to his Queen some branches. Told her that they were special branches because they’d been cut from a patch of trees dedicated to the one and only Goddess Strenia. He was so smooth, Titius even named the armful of Wood “strenae” to make them seem even more special.
Once they heard about this, hopeful men all over the kingdom told each other, “quis est bonus pro Titius…” which loosely translated meant that they’d try the same thing on their wives and/or girlfriends. Whole forests were denuded. Strenea abounded. For about a week.
Then those men found out that their significant others were about as unimpressed with the sticks as had been the Queen. History relates that the Queen’s retort to Tatius went along the lines of “Quis abyssus erant vos reputo?” (loose translation: “Darling husband: what do you mean by this?”) implying that in future there would have to be shiny pieces of metal given along with any subsequent gifts of sticks. Or said sticks would be flailed.
And so Titius, adaptable King that he was, quickly changed the custom. He included in his next special bunch of branches a small silver coin. “Pro amor quod pro fortuna,” as he put it. Continuing the custom to this very day, each year we too often give our significant others shiny rocks and/or pieces of fashioned shiny metal as gifts.
This is really how it all got started. I’m not making it up!
Okay...I've got to get back to work.